Let me take you on a journey of who I am and how I got here.
Looking back over the past three years, I have desperately wanted to create a brand that was my own. I needed this brand not only because I have a deep-rooted entrepreneurial spirit, but also because I had such a strong burning desire to be truly creative and express myself in my work. I needed something that truly oozed from my very pores.
The creative industry isn't always creative
In my working life, I chose to be in the creative industry, and as I dive deeper into it, I'm realising more and more that the work isn't 'creative' at all. It's a weird system of creating work for a brand that you're made to care about. You're then boxed into these rules and drained dry of any ounce of creativity you can get from those strict guidelines.
On top of that, you're sat and judged before a team of people who call themselves creatives but don't actually create anything. Only to be told that you need to push the boundaries further (but don't forget those strict rules). You suddenly become a master of loopholes and talking utter bullshit in meetings just to get a half-baked idea through the door to keep the business happy and running.
But at the end of the day, I'm not free to truly create and be who I want to be.
The lobster boss
It all came to a head back in 2023 when I got this new boss. He was what I could only describe as the shade of a lobster with a tuft of blonde sitting on top of his head. He wore the same outfit every day and, you guessed it, he claimed to be the bee's knees of creatives.
He would delete my work and ignore any ideas that weren't his own. It was hard work, especially when we were working for a female-led brand and he essentially just wanted to create Lynx ads. It was humiliating and degrading at the time, but I was lucky to have a great little knit of colleagues around me who inspired and encouraged me to create something of my own.
And so TRASHED was born
I was so excited to begin a small project where I could really let myself go. At the time I was hurt and angry, so I wanted to start a brand that really said 'go fuck yourself'. It was only going to be a hobby so I could separate work from my personal life more easily.
As a person, I love arts & crafts. I just love getting my hands dirty and diving right in. My work colleague at the time (who always supported me) was obsessed with candles. So this instantly inspired the thought that I could combine my art with candle making. It would satisfy all angles for me.
The research and testing phase
So that's what I did. I researched the hell out of candle making. It was so important to me to make sure I was creating something that was not only a way to express myself but safe and considered for any potential customers (I wasn't sure at the time if anyone would even like what I was doing).
I tested so many candle methods (it was so many!) and so many recipes before I landed on something that I felt was not only the best option for the environment but excellent quality for my potential customers. I was so excited that I finally cracked it. Now the real hard work was about to happen. I needed to put myself out there and actually create my brand.
Looking back, I am so proud of what I achieved. The overall look was exactly what I set out to do. I just put everything into it. I didn't care if it was messy - it was my messy.
Greek Gods and punk vibes
I based my candles on the Greek Gods because I absolutely adore mythology and I just love how chaotic and tragic each character is. They all had their own sins and, to me, that was punk. It suited what I needed at the time so well.
To my surprise, I'm not the only one with this love. The candles started to make a few sales. I started to build a small community - it was bloody brilliant. I felt successful because people were responding to my work. This I will always be grateful for.
The first rebrand
I'm not going to pretend I made a huge amount of sales and that my business was taking off. The brand was still very much at its early stages. I had made my candles and I launched them bit by bit with little traction. But what traction I did get felt so lovely.
By this time, I was made redundant from my actual job. I was traumatised by the lobster and the whole situation was a horrible one to be in. Luckily (or not so lucky), a few of my friends were part of the redundancy too. So we had an incredible support system for each other, and they still encouraged me to carry on during this time.
It was during this time I reflected on my brand and wanted to tidy up the look a little bit to try and look more professional. But again, I was still in the mindset of anger and upset. I still wanted to retain that 'I don't care' attitude (a little childish I know, but I was hurt!).
So this is what I did. I grew a little more, I learnt a little more about my brand and what customers were looking for. It was still very much experimental, but I was gaining data from it.
Crass but cute
The new look was much cleaner. I loved it (it's always good to back yourself). They also had humour, which is a MASSIVE part of my life. These truly felt like my personality in a jar. They were crass but cute (that's me!).
When everything fell apart
Just as I felt I'd cracked my brand and what I wanted from it, I was hit right smack in the face with something I'd never experienced before. Out of the blue, from the pit of nowhere, I became physically ill. It was the type of ill that doctors couldn't diagnose. My mind was crying out for help asking "What is wrong with me?!" and it got no answers.
Not only that, I was in the process of getting my new job. I had to pretend to be well to get myself out of this mess. Pretend none of this existed.
Health anxiety
Then that was when I developed health anxiety... My goodness, I have NEVER experienced anything so horrendous in my life (it made lobster man look like a piece of cake). Every day was torture. I felt like I was going to die. My body had shut down and was behaving in ways I never thought it could. It created feelings I never thought a body could produce. "This is it," I thought. "I will never be normal again."
During this time, the candles obviously came to a standstill. They didn't even cross my mind. Because the doctors didn't know what was wrong with me, the word 'anxiety' came up a lot. They were essentially telling me I was making it all up in my head. For a while, I believed them and took the whole anxiety thing seriously.
Searching for relief
I started with CBT therapy to try and train my mind (for me, it was a total waste of time). I furiously looked into calming my nervous system. I tried hypnotherapy and therapy. None of it was working, my body was just in bits. There were times I would just shake all over and my body would flood with waves of chemical-like feelings going on for hours on end so I couldn't sleep.
It was then that I took to meditation. And oh my god, meditation helped me so much for a bit of relief when I needed it. It didn't fix anything, but it gave me relief. So much so I could have moments of feeling normal again. I was proud that I had found something natural that didn't require medication, and that I could have influence over my own body again.
The truth finally revealed
This whole fiasco of what I was going through lasted for just over a year. After sheer perseverance, I found out that after all of that, I had a collapsed lung. I was relieved to finally not be labelled as the anxious girl, the crazy girl with nothing wrong with her. There was something wrong with me, and the anxiety developed as a result of not being believed or listened to.
Which leads me to now...
After everything I've been through, I can honestly say I do not wish it on anyone. I have grown even more and learnt so much about myself. I have learnt what is important to me. It's no longer about trying to look 'cool' or working hard to become someone I don't want to be in an ok job.
It's so important to me to be able to look after myself and everyone around me. This is why I am evolving my brand into what it is today. I want to create a brand that acts as a tool where people can pause and give themselves a moment of calm. Put themselves first so that they can then look after the people they love.
My brand will always have the essence of humour and my vanity, but it is now slowly becoming a brand that can actually help people in some way. And this is what I am most excited about.